In which the work is hard but the miracles are many

Hello, anyone who still checks this blog. I thought I'd provide an update. After my major relapse in 2006, where I thought I wasn't overeating, just eating what I wanted, and wound up gaining all my weight back and getting a fatty liver to boot -- I got a new sponsor and then got back on my food plan. I went through three sponsors in about a year because none of them were able to adequately help me work my program. I may own something in why these relationships didn't work, but I can't quite put my finger on it right now. Maybe I didn't make clear enough my expectations or ask enough questions about these people's sponsoring styles.

Anyway this strange thing happened, I shared in a meeting that my last sponsor could not take my food, but would still work the steps with me, and someone volunteered to take it. "Take my food" means that they would take a phone call or an email in the morning which stated what and how much food I was going to eat that day. So this person offers to take my food, and then the sponsor says she can't sponsor any more. On the same week, the other person lost a sponsee, so we agree that she's going to sponsor me. So this relationship fell in my lap.

I have to tell you this is really an exercise in "principles before personalities." She wasn't my closest friend in program or anything like that, in fact, often she rubs me the wrong way. But I have always respected her honesty and her strong recovery.

So, I wanted structure and I got it in spades. I had to attend 90 meetings in 90 days, which I just completed on Saturday. I have to make 3 phone calls per day. People in program who call me don't count! I have to commit my food, weigh and measure, and had to make some minor but important changes in my food plan. This is done by telephone because she doesn't have a computer at home. I have to meet with her every week to do step work. Again th is is person usually, not by phone or email. I find that all of this "real time" and "face to face" contact helps me immeasurably.

I was abstinent with frequent slips since 2006, and since July when I started working with this sponsor, I have had only one or two slips. Since 2006, I have lost 70 pounds. I feel I have another 30 to go, but that is really not up to me, it is up to HP.

Now that I am done with my 90 in 90, I am still being asked to go to 5 meetings per week. I am a little afraid of this, I was really looking forward to having some free time! I will do my best, and if it's not working for me, I will ask to change this. I am in full agreement though that working my program this hard is helping me stay abstinent.

Although I feel I have a relationship with my HP, I feel I need to work on this more and find ways to be in touch with it during the day, not just at my morning and evening prayers. I am so grateful for all of the changes that have taken place. People actually want to hang out with me now! I am thriving at work, and taking care of things around the house. I feel this is one of the "promises": "Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us."

Yesterday my husband was gone all day and I cleaned out my dresser and closet, getting rid of all the size 20s 18s and 16s. (I am wearing 10s and 12s right now, but kept the 14s anyway -- they don't look too baggy yet). I am very happy, I have a very full life, and I understand the importance of gratitude and handing my problems and difficulties over to a power greater than myself.

Thanks, HP and thanks OA!

Just in case you were wondering....

For a long time --years-- I blogged about my weight loss struggle. I read and "blogrolled" many other weight loss bloggers, and found a lot of support, advice, and definitely an online community of like minded individuals.

Then I went back to OA, and tried to refocus a blog on recovery, instead of weight loss. I looked for a community of OA peeps online, and there were a few, but not many. I also got busy -- it became impossible to blog from work (which is what I had done previously), I got married, and my online community was replaced by my real-life OA community.

I worked the steps; I did not get abstinent. I had a meltdown in a meeting last fall and was going to leave OA. The next day someone from program came into my workplace. I was helping her find what she needed and she says to me, "Are you going to the meeting tonight?" It was a Monday night, and I had never been to the Monday night meeting. I should mention this woman was not at my weekend meeting where I had the meltdown; she had no idea I was fed up with OA. She had also never appeared at my workplace before -- and she hasn't come by since.

I went to the meeting. Someone I hadn't seen in a while was there and I asked her to be my new sponsor.

I now know I am in OA for good. I don't give a day to day blow by blow rundown of my eating follies and foibles on the blog. I don't chatter on to co-workers about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. I talk about OA stuff with my sponsor, my hub and other OA people. A couple of close friends might hear a little now and then, but mostly I do not talk about my recovery with "civilians."

My food isn't perfect; I still pick up refined carbs and sometimes deep fried food. But I haven't had a binge in a year. I've lost 50 ponds. 99% of food -related drama has been removed from my life.

I'm working my program to the best of my ability, and, as they say, "it works if you work it."

I'm not sure what I am going to do with this blog. I kind of want to keep it, rework it, but ... I dunno. And I don't have to decide today. I can wait until my HP makes it clear to me one way or the other. Thanks for reading.