In which there is an awakening and a moving forward.

I have finally finished my amends. I had an indirect amends to do to a bunch of people that I don't remember their last names or their name is so common i have no way of getting their contact information from the internet. I wrote out the amends on slips of paper, and then pulled each one out of a pocket, one at a time, said a prayer over the person and made amends in my heart, and then burnt the slip in a metal bowl. Outdoors. In the cold, and the wind. The next day, the ice storm came.

My sponsor tells me that one has a spiritual awakening after completing step 9. All I know is that in the middle of my amends I had the antidepressant fiasco, and a relapse. I have been getting back on track, but today two pairs of pants did not fit me. Now I may be retaining water which is why they don't fit all of a sudden, but when I was fitting into a size smaller last summer this is not heartening news.

I started emailing my food to my sponsor again. I think letting someone else (who knows what this disease is like) know of my food for the day keeps me accountable. My goal for the week is to make it to the gym the rest of the weekdays. I didnt go yesterday because of the ice storm, but I did go today.

My sponsor gave me something to read in the Big Book, and then I have to do some writing. I am asking to be willing tonight.