In which our heroine wonders if anyone is out there?

I haven't posted in 6 months. It is really hard to believe it has been that long. I have been slowly going through the steps by my workbook, and i have just begun step12. That's the one where you reach out to others and share the benefits of the 12 steps. I was thinking that if someone reads my blog and decides OA is for them, that might be a form of step 12.

However, I feel I am not a good enough "poster child" for recovery. I have been a chronic relapser, and since July 2006, when I tried to go off my antidepressants, I have slowly gained 40 pounds. I was blaming depression, but I have been back on my meds since October.

Although my food is kind of in the crapper - and exercise is nonexistent, which I think is a big part of this gain-- I have not given up hope that working the 12 steps will help me recover not only physically but spiritually and mentally.

And I have seen tremendous spiritual recovery. It's the emotional and the physical that are struggling now. They feed on themselves, I was depressed so I didnt have energy to do a proper food plan and exercise, and lack of healthy food and exercise decreased my energy level and lowered my mood.

At this point I am going to check with my health provider to see if my meds need adjustment. I have the willingness to do the things I need to do, but I don't seem to have the follow-through to put the willingness into the ability to do what I need to do.

I am going to try not to make it a 6 month gap between now and next posting. Thanks so much for the encouraging comments back in January.