In which an amends becomes something to obsess over...or not?

I am nearing the end of step 9, where I make amends to people. Most of the people I have made amends to have been very good to me. A large number of them told me no amends were necessary and they were glad we had moved beyond whatever issue and stayed friends, etc.

Last night's amends had some of that element, but the person I was making amends to said "I am suprised you are making amends for THAT THING THAT HAPPENED when there are probably other things that happened that hurt me worse." Or words to that effect: basically that I was making amends for the wrong thing. When I asked this person what things I should be making amends for, because I am happy to do it, the person said, "E., don't pick at a scab." And then went on with the usual "no amends needed" stuff as mentioned in paragraph one of this post.

It's not about the person's reaction to my attempt at amends. It is my sincerity in offering amends and restitution that counts. What the other person says or does is up to HP. But I am finding myself kind of obsessing about it today, and monkey mind is thinking I should send him a follow up email, etc etc.

But I think I am just going to try to (1) not eat over it; and (2) leave it up to my own HP. Hey! HP ~ are you listening? Do i need to do anything about this? Let me know please... thanks~

In which our heroine makes an observation unrelated to recovery...

I figured out what the ESPN pregame show is.... you know, the thing on before football on Sunday with a bunch of jocks talking over each other?

It's "The View" for men.

In which the concept of the blog is introduced, and my story begins continues...

The purpose of this blog is to share my story, especially my OA recovery from compulsive overeating. In the 2-plus years since I started blogging, I have come to discover that being overweight is a symptom of other issues, it is NOT the root problem. All the calorie counting, weighing and measuring, exercise goals and weekly weight loss targets do me no good. This is because my problem is spiritual: I feel isolated from my fellow human beings and a higher power. I feel different from them.

What the OA program has given me since 2005 (well really since I first attended an OA meeting in 1999), is a sense of belonging, and a sense of working on issues that have plagued me since childhood.

So, although I want to lose weight, my weight will not be posted for everyone to see. I will not talk much about my food plan, or my exercise plan, although I have them. Instead, I will talk about what is going on in my head, how I am relating to the people in my life and to my Higher Power.

In this way, I hope to utilize the writing tool on a regular basis. If you've come here from my old blog, welcome. I hope you enjoy this new approach. I expect, however that I will lose alot of the old readers. But that is not in my control. I may also gain some new ones. Whether you've been with me since 2004 or just happened upon this blog today, I welcome you to my new online home. It's got the basics but it's lacking some furniture and amenities which I hope to put into place in the coming weeks. I hope you'll check back often, and I welcome your comments.