In which our heroine apologises for the lack of regular correspondence

Im' sorry. I've been lax. I am still having committment issues to blogging despite my revamped look and title. Monday is a good day to start things, so here is a post that catches you up.

I feel I have lost my committment to abstinence. As a result I told my sponsees that I am unable to sponsor them, and they should seek new sponsors. I feel disingenuous sponsoring them, when I don't have enough abstinence to give them suggestions for when they lose theirs. I can now see that I have been in relapse at least since I was teaching my class this summer, despite much progress -- I have been doing better than I did before I came to program, but I am not committed to abstaining from compulsive overeating.

The way I have been sponsoring, I have had contact with my sponsees every day, and work the step that they are on as well as working a step with my own sponsor. I have used this work with my sponsees as a reason not to continue on with my step 9 amends. I need to do those amends and move on to step 10.

I am nervous about an impending amend. I will talk it over with my ever-helpful sponsor, who says to save it to the last one, anyway.

I have neglected many facets to my program that enabled me to be successful: going to meetings, sticking to the food I commit to in the morning, exercising, blogging. I am going to focus on getting those items back. This week, I am focused on: getting up early in the morning with an effort to work back towards getting to the gym. Blogging today, but not committing to any schedule with that just yet. Planning my food and eating the food I plan. Working step 9, and maybe making some calls this week. An online meeting.

I know what to do, it's all there in my head. I just have to be willing.